Oh, what a fun weekend.

(Walnut and goat cheese terrine)

...but I am sooo glad it is over. Our busy weekend started early on Friday morning. I went to costco, ralpsh, vons, trader joes, to get all the items needed for nics party. I spent about 550 dollars for food. And then fun started. I started pounding, mixing, scaling, timing - all the dirty work had to be done before saturday. I cleaned, moved furniture.... It was busy day, but fun day because I HAD CHANCE TO COOK. On friday night Nick and I went out to wine testing. OMG. When we entered wines store we were feeling just fine, when we left 1,5 hours later we were DRUNK. 10 different australian wines- whewwwww.
Then around 10 pm on friday night I started baking his cake. I was done with it around midnight.

On saturday noon, Leila ( friend from LA area) came over to help me out with preparations . We diced, chopped, cleaned, decorated- we did every little thing that had to be done to make this party( nicks Birthday party) a great success.
Guest started arriving around 6pm. Thank you guys so much for taking time off from your busy chedules and making my DH feel so special on his birthday. He ( we) really did enjoy having you all over in our house eating, drinking, laughing etc. I would love to write more about his party, but I am really tired right now and have no idea how to put my thoughts into words.
Thank you :)

Leila, Jennifer, Jill and I

Nick and Jennifer

Jason, Lulu and Beth :)

Quick preview...... moment from my Dh's birthday party. This picture just cracks me up. Seriosly, look at as....lol

Happy Birthday to youuuu.

Menu
1. Goat Cheese Terrine- Goat cheese, cream cheese, blue cheese, chives,
cilantro, walnuts
2. Salt cured Salmon - Salmon

3. Appetizers- crab meat, mayo, smoked salmon, cream cheese filled
crusty
puffs

4. Cabbage rolls filled with vegetables and meat

5. Potato salad with a kick- Chinese cabbage, potatoes, red bell
peppers,
cucumbers,
tomatoes, green onions, cilantro, canned peas and carrots,
dressing.

6. Pre-marinated grilled beef

7. 3 lbs of tiger shrimp ( with jack cheese sauce)

8. Pesto Potatoes( boiled)

9. Asparagus with lemon sauce and peppers( steamed), OR steamed mixed vegetables.

10. (pre-marinated) Roasted leg of lamb( with balsamic vinegar reduction

11. Kypsise tort( farmers cheese, strawberry preserves, whipped cream,
fresh
strawberries, condensed milk.)

12. Miniature cheesecakes/ Birthday cake.

13. Single serving desserts( cheesecake, chocolate mousse, whipped
cream,
hot chocolate, caramel sauce, Ice cream,peanut butter, macademia nut butter

14. Bread rolls( pizza dough, cream cheese, bacon, sundries tomatoes, cucumber- baked minutes before dinner)

Drinks, drinks , drinks.( margaritas, cosmos, apple sours.... vodka, whisky,

15. Snitzels( pork)

Ok, this is Menu for my Dh's Birthday. But I know some of the items are subject to change. If weather is rainy- grilling is out of question and I have to come up with roasted fish or chicken.
Also, I will play around with apetizers and see what I come up with.

So , if you guys have nothing to do on April 1st, come celebrate April Fools day with us. ( well, march 31st is my Dh's 40th Birhtday, but we are having a party on April 1st. around 6 pm. :)>):)

James..

Cry
James Blunt
I have seen peace.
I have seen pain,
Resting on the shoulders of your name.
Do you see the truth through all their lies?
Do you see the world through troubled eyes?
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.I have seen birth. I have seen death.
Lived to see a lover's final breath.
Do you see my guilt? Should I feel fright?
Is the fire of hesitation burning bright?

And if you want to talk about it once again,
On you I depend.
I'll cry on your shoulder.
You're a friend.
You and I have lived through many things.
I'll hold on to your heart.
I wouldn't cry for anything,But don't go tearing your life apart.

I have seen fear. I have seen faith.
Seen the look of anger on your face.
And if you want to talk about what will be,
Come and sit with me,
and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.

I hate evenings.

Today started out really nice. We woke up 8.30 and had pancake breakfast, even Gabriel ate them.lol Then 3 of us played , cleaned garage and around 4 pm we went to Borders book store. Now it is 9 pm and my head is about to explode. I have horrible headache and my eyes are swollen red. I am starting to think that there are some spring allergies that make me feel like this . Seriously.... And then I had headed argument with Nick over the phone... same old, same old. I am sick and tired and he is working his ass off and does not understand why I am sick and tired if I do not have to work. He even dared to compare me with " chinese" females whose husbands are away 6 months at a time and they manage to stay stress free. FUCk the other people. What the heck do I and other people have in common? We are human? That is about it. Cheesh.. what is with him. Find yourself some chinese chick who can cook , clean and stay happy 24/7 with 2 kids. I am not "that " kind of girl.

Srry. I really needed to went. I am sure I regret tomorrow that I even mentioned it, but I really have to let some steam out....

:)

Well, it is friday. Gabriels shool had Parent(s) night out. Yeah, wohoo, awsome, great, I was so freekin' exited. ( whatever). So I dropped Regina and Gabriel to Tutor Time and I went to see 16 Blocks( Bruce willis). No regrets , awsome movie. I just hated that one bad guy who finally did a good thing in a bad way got away..... Happy hollywood ending....
So , about 40 minutes into movie I got a phone call from my doctor ( it was 8.45 pm) about my labs. Luckily I do not carry arthiritus gene but he told me to come back to office sometimes next week to run more tests to find the reason of my pains.
Today new kind of pain appeared. I but on my favorite pair of boots with midium size heals. At first everything was fine, but when I was walking from my car to movie theater both of my feet started hurting to the point I was in tears. Month ago I did not have that pain. Seems like my bones have started drifting to some different direction. :(
Ugh, I want nick to come back and find a good job in US. ( at least 150 000 dollars per year lol) and good health insurance ...

Ok. I have to give Regina meds now. She is still coughing ( she started in January) and nothing makes her cough go away. she also has Laryngitis .


So far these are all of my symptoms.
Joint pains
Fluid filled systs ( ganglion cysts)
Bladder Dysfunction
Bowel Dysfunction
problems with memory
attention,
Dizziness
Depression Fatigue

Balance or Coordination Problems

Abnormal Numbness or Pain

Vision Problems
nausea

Headache

Itching

I need to get out of this house. Outside is most wonderful spring weather and all I do is sit inside. But I am to lazy, I am to tired, I am so sick , I am so busy. I have way to many excused not to go out. But the most accurate one is I am lazy and I have pink eye and my eyes are very sensitive to light right now.

Nick comes home next week. Wohoo. At least I get few "easyer day", because I NEED THEm. I am so burned out.

Not very good day. :(

Today started out not very good. After I woke up I did my streching routine, but I overdid it , I heard a " CRACK" and my back awas locked. I was not able to move. At least kids were sleeping so I had some time to get myself together and but on a smily face. lol I made appointment to see my favorite chiro Dr Ray from PodyPro! and after few "CRACKs" I feel 50 % better. But that is not it.

Few days ago my eyes started hurting and looked puffy. People asked if I was crying or tyred or sick, because my face looked horrible. :( So I went to see doctor for that. And guess what, I have conjunctivitis (pink eye). I got eyedrops for that and I feel much better now. :) I also asked from my doctor why my pains ( bone, joints) are getting worse, not better. He drew some blood to test for artiritus( sp), if tests come back fine, then they will let me know whats the next step will be. Until then I just have to take Celebrex, and since my insurance does not cover it , I have to pay in full ( 107 dollars- monthly dose- I think). Anyway, I am just getting tired of being in pain. I am used to pain, but I have to give up a lot because of pain. There are things I want to do but I can not . I want to get down on floor and play with kids, but it is really hard for me to get down on all four, and play pony rides with them, I want to carry them around them sitting on my sholders- I can't. I am 27 going on 70. :( I want my health back. I want my life back.

The real housewives of Orange county.

Oh wow. Unbelivable. Real housewives??? WTFDTM?? And they are from OC?? WOW. I AM SO EXITED. Maybe I should drop my "poor" husband, go out and findmyself billioner boyfriend so I could get myself boob job, liposuction and full face job ( so I could better fit in///) Just kidding.
What comes next from OC. ?? There is Laguna Beach on MTV, OC, Real life Housewives, and somthing else. Only thing that is missing is - How low income people manage to survive in OC. Orange county is not only Newport Beach, Coto De Caza, or Laguna Beach. There are plenty of lover income citys here. HEre are lot of homeless people ( men, woman, kids) who have no jobs or food to eat before bedtime. But show about them will not get any good ratings , right. SO why spend some Good money on people who have no money??? Life. I do not get it.

Headlines....

As many of you may know by now, Donald is Daddy- again. And I can see future headlines- DONALD TRUMP FOUND DEAD in his bedroom, Melania and baby missing.
I think that Melania is very very very smart woman- and of course he loves Donald and is greatly attracted to him- I blame it on Money..... ( sorry Melania and Donald, I am just being brutally honest.....)

New Trump: Donald, Melania Have a Boy

Monday Mar 20, 2006 7:35am EST
Monday Mar 20, 2006 1:20pm EST (updated)

By Stephen M. Silverman

CREDIT: DAVE ALLOCCA / STARTRAKS

It's a baby boy for Donald Trump and wife Melania, the real-estate entrepreneur announced Monday.

The couple's son, Barron William Trump, was born at 5 a.m. and weighed in at 8 1/2 lbs., Trump tells PEOPLE.

"It's a beautiful baby and she's a beautiful mother," says the 59-year-old Apprentice star.

Of his wife Melania, Trump said, "I just think she's looking forward to being a great mother. I have no doubt how good she will be."

Money, money,money..

What is wrong with everybody?? Fundriser here , fundriser there... Reginas school has Jog-a- thons, Gabriels school has See's candy fundriser, then couple of other families asked money.... do I look like a millioner to you guys. I shop at walmart and Kohls on sales rack... so there you go... nobody will get any money from me.... I am poor.... I spend all my extra money for photography and shutterfly.... and pictureframes. I need more pictureframes..... I do not have enough pictureframes....

I am just little bitter today because everything just pisses me off. People are loosing weight eating meat. People are loosing weight eating bread.,.. And there is me, who eats bread and chicken and I gain weight. ??? I have been monitoring my diet past few weeks. I wrote down how much I ate, what time I ate. Every time my daily intake exceded more than 1400-1500 cal , I gained weight. Every time I had pork, I gained weight. On each day I had 10 containers of yoplay fat free yogurt- I lost weight, On those days I had one head of cabbage I lost weight.... I am so sick of healthy food. Seriosly, I want to eat chicken without worring about feeling sick. I want to eat cheese and not get upset stomach. I want to live happily ever after without worring about money, health problems, cancer, and what other people think. I want world peace.
D

Uh, cold, I wish I had fur, I wish I was a bear, with

..a furry furry hair. ( I think I watch too much Barney). But yes, It is very cold here in usually sunny southern Ca. I
I hate it. I do not mind rain, but this cold is just too much to handle.


I just want to complain more about my problems. Well, lets talk about physical pain I am in.
About 4 years ago my wrists started hurting - they still do. 2 years ago my knees just decided they are sick of being strong and healty knees, and now I got pain there. Year ago, after I had my car accident , my sholders started hurting and now - LATEST- my big toe ( righ one), well, bunion really ia swollen and hurts really , really really.
Everything was fine when I woke up, but around noon things slowly started to change. At first my toe turned numb ( really weird feeling), and then pain set in. and right now (8.48 PM), I am unable to move my toes at all, pain is horrible. I really do not know what is going on. I wish I knew. I hope pain will dissapear for tomorrow, because if it is still there, I do not know how I can drive my kids to school. :(:(:(
Bummer :(

Oscar Night..

I did not plan watch oscars this year, but Jon Stewart with his opening speech just got my attention. I just love his sense of humor. He made me laugh all night long. That guy does not have to try hard to make people laugh- he is natural. ;) He is cute too ;)

Now, if you ask me how many of those movies nominated I had seen then I can tell you- only few-

• _Crash-- I loved it- won best Picture!!!!!!!
• walk the line-- NMS
• Batman Begins- I love it
• Cinderella man-- Did not like it all
• Tim Burton- Corps Bride--- LOOOOOVED IT. I love tim burton.
• Charlie and the chocolate factory- Good but not that good.
• War of the Worlds--- My fave

• I really want to see Transamerica
• Memoirs of Geisha
• King Kong
• North County.

Now I am off to do some minor cleaning. ( kids toys, dirty dishes etc). Tomorrow is monday and my cleaning team is coming to clean my house ( they do it every monday). But I am about to fire them- they are doing ok job and past few weeks they have been avoiding dusting and floors are after cleaning still dirty ( spots here and there) and they broke few dishes and forgot to notify me. SO bye-bye . I HATE LETTING THEM KNOW THAT THEY ARE FIRED. :( Usually nick does the dirty work....

Bohoooo

I just took Nick to LAX airport. It was fun month . He really did help me a lot. He took Gabriel to school and picked Regina up froms school, he took kids out to lunch and played a lot with them. I just do not have that energy to run around and chase them. All I want to do all day long is to sleep or just do nothing. I manage to clean the house, cook, do laundry and then just hug my pillow.
. Everything makes me extremely tired. Some days I hit the bed around 9 am and fall asleep even before kids are asleep, but I am sure, now that he is gone, I will be up until 2-3 am doing nothing. As right now, I am so tired I am about to fall over BUT I can not fall asleep.

Now it is me and kids again. To make things worse- Regina is SICK AGAIN. I have no idea what is going on with this girl. She is coughing and coughing and coughing. She stops for a week and goes again. I think I will take her to see some specialist because she has been coughing since january and nothing seems to be working. :( Well, at least I have my fun neighbor friend who kees me entertained day and night- there is never dull moment when she is around. ;)

2 more days and...

I'll be single again... yup, nick is leaving late on friday night. Poor me. I look forward to sleepless nights, grazy mornings and not cleaning up after him. This time he will be back before his 40 th b day ( on march 31st). But still, he will be gone and will spend my time doing nothing ....

Now about my laptop- while I was in estonia I brought kids computer game Nu pogodi( Just wait_ kids animated series). After I downloaded the game my computer started acting up. And 3 days ago it stopped responding to anything at all. i did virus scans and found porn dialer( whatever is that), I checked memory and my computer had no memory left- also, my computer could not find any hadware left in my computer- no ups drives, no cd/dvd drives etc. I had about 5 picture folders( total 200 pictues that I had not backed up) and I lost them all. yesterday my husband restored my computer to factory settings and now it is working again, but what is weird ( at least I think is weird), after first virus scan( even before computer was hooked up to internet) norton found Alexa (

McAfee(R) AVERT™ recognizes that this program may have legitimate uses in contexts where an authorized administrator has knowingly installed this application. If you agreed to a license agreement for this, or another bundled application, you may have legal obligations with regard to removing this software, or using the host application without this software.
Please contact the software vendor for further information.

See http://vil.nai.com/vil/DATReadme.asp for a list of Program detections added to the DATs.

See http://vil.nai.com/vil/pups/configuration.htm for information about how to enable, disable, and exclude detection of legitimately installed programs.

Summary:

Upon execution of this application, Alexa toolbar is installed in Internet Explorer. Search keywords used in Google were transferred to Alexa servers. Also Alexa sends personal information such as usernames to the Alexa site.)

WHY, WHY, WHY??? But at least now my Toshiba is working fine and after few more virus scans and virus removals, My computer seems to be clean -- we will see about that.

I hope for next 12 months my computer stays fine and clean ( I usually get one bad virus or spyware or addware once a year that totally destroys everything I have in my computer and even virus or spy scans can not detect what my toshiba got. I never learn from my mistakes - instead I make new and worse ones ;O)

Di

Happy cows come form CA.....

I left my heart in San Francisco but no worries, instead , I got myself double chin ;

Anyway. On valentines day we thought we should do something on Presidents day weekend, since it is loooong weekend we should drive somwhere . So we did decide to go to San Francisco. At first we thought we shuld start driving on Friday, but after checking weather forecast Nick though it is better to do so on saturday morning.
Well, I woke up on saturday morning and was unable to move. My upper back, neck sholders hurt so bad, I was in tears. It took me 15 minutes to get off the bed. I was in HORRID pain, and I knew it was because of weather- everytime it rains, my back/neck hurt. So after 2 hours of icing/heating my neck and back I thought , what the heck, I can not my back pain to ruin our weekend- I got bags backed in 15 minutes and off we drowe.( I was still in horrid pain, and was unable to move my neck.

to All of you, who have seen commercials- Great cheese comes from happy cows, and happy cows come from california-( or something like that) . At first I laughed at those commercials- Ca for me was Orange county- over populated, overpriced and overrated . But on our way to SF we saw that happy cows indeed live in California. I have never ever ever ever seen so many cows, lambs/sheeps in my life and they were all happily eating green american grass. ( and I thought there is no real grass in california( what a fool I Have been). Anyway, I made my point- Happy cows come from ca, and I feel now more comfy eating California cheese. :)
Landscape between Los angeles and san francisco was amazing . For a moment I got a feeling like I was in Lord of the rings movie- ( the part where all those hobbits lived), it was so green, round hills, beautiful trees, green, rain and sunshine and we saw few rainbows. IT was BEAUTIFUL:)

We started driving around 10.30 and we arrived in SF around 9 pm. Nick drowe most of the time ( good for him)

(view from Cable car window)
On sunday we woke up around 7.30, ate breakfast and hit the down.
First we took cable car drive from downtown to Wishermans Wharf. Cable car drive was cool experience. SF is very hilly and views were amazing, but I was scared out of my mind. What if cable broke and .....( you know what comes next). After 20 minute ride we made it to Wishermans wharf. Took few cool pictures and took next cable car back to hotel( we had to check out). Regina and Gabriel were complaning the whole time. IT was really cold there and we were not fully ready for higher winds and chillier weather. But they did ok. I asked from Regina if whe was having fun and she told me- DISNEYLAND is fun, this is not. lol

After we checked out from Marriot, we headed to discover rest of SF, We saw Golden gate Bridge - and only that was worth the 8 hour trip from OC. Then we went to Pier 39 . OH my GUSH, It was tooo crowded, seemed like every person who has never been to SF had hit Pier 39. IT was hard to breathe there.

I really mean it. But still, it was amazing experience. Views from there were breath taking. :):):)
It was around 1.30, and we wanted to eat lunch, and wait times in every restaurant were around 40 minutes. So we waited , and waited and waited and finally got our food, :)

After Pier 39 we went to Monterey and stayed there for a night. And on monday morning we started driving home . On our way home we got to see the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen ( Santa Barbara area). And then nick just took us home. :)

It was cool trip. But since we had kids on board we had not many chances to do wine tasting( on a way to SF and back to LA there are lots of winerys on a road. And lots of them had free wine tasting. We did step into one winery Laetitia and sampled few wines :)

oh, I almost forgot to mention 17 Mile drive. Oh, wow, you got to take that 17 mile drive to experience the beauty of Northen CA. :)

What the hell???

Seriously. I am so sick of getting sick all the time. Who put a spell on me? Speak out now.

Anyway. Past week I have been having these horrible abdominal pains. At first I thought it is something I ate. But when I had to use bathroom every 10 minutes or so I knew that it was my bladders fault. So I went to see my favorite Dr and he told me what I allready knew- I have bladder infection- second one this year. Bloody hell- because of deductible I had to pay 111 dollar co pay to get my very much needed antibiotics. FCUK. Oh, that FCUK is another problem. My husband really was hoping to get layed real soon, but since I am no condition to have sex, I do not see this happening in near future ( like in 10 days), and in 10 days he will be leaving to china. So, there you go. I make my hushusband misarable.
d

Happy Valentines day.

It is by chance we met, by choice we became friends.
Friendship is a strange thing---
we find ourselves telling each other the deepest details of our lives,
things we don't even share with our families who raised us.
But what is a friend? A confidant? A lover?
A fellow email junkie? A shoulder to cry on?
An ear to listen? A heart to feel?...
A friend is all these things...and more.
No matter where we met, I call you friend.
A word so small yet so large in feeling,
a word filled with emotion.

It is true great things come in small packages.
Once the package of friendship has been opened,
it can never be closed.
It is a constant book always written
waiting to be read and enjoyed.
We may have our disagreements, we may argue,
we may concern one another,
friendship is a unique bond that lasts through it all.

A part of me is put into my friends,
some it is my humor, some it is my listening ear,
some it is real life experiences, some it is my romanticism
but with all, it is friendship.

Friendships forged are a construct stronger
than steel built as a foundation,
necessary for life and necessary for love.
Friends----you and me
You brought another friend and then there were 3.
We started our group
Our circle of friends and like that circle
There is no beginning or end...
~author unknown

Dear Friends.
Love you ..

GO Eesti, Go Eesti.

WOHOOOO!
Kristina Smigun of Estonia celebrates winning the Gold Medal after winning the Womens Cross Country Skiing 15km (7.5+7.5) Pursuit Final (Getty Images)
www.torino2006.org

I can allready see you all screaming- What the hell were you thinking, painting your family room orange..... I really needed something really wild, so I decided to paint my family room orange. 3 days and 4 coats( did I get spelling right) of paint I finally got my orange. My friend( who is mexican) is making fun of me. She tells me that I am Mexican in training b/c people in mexico also love in bright colors and she thinks I am grazy for painting my 1,4 million dollar house these grazy colors. She tells me that no real estate salesman will not want to sell our house before we paint it back to neutral colors. But who says we want to sell our house?? I am just having fun with color and loving it. So all of you just have to deal with it ;)

Pittsburgh 21, Seattle 10
That was fun!!lol Past sunday I had honor to attend my first ever superbowl party. Before I was invited I had no idea who was playing, but I did little research before heading out of house- at least I wanted to know who was playing and how they got there.
I have been in US for almost 8 years , and I never ever watched superbowl before, I have been never invited to superbowl party or ever ate superbowl food( it comes with party). But thanks to my dear friend Maire I finally had chance to see what the fuzzzzzz is all about. If you ask me- So , how was the game- I would tell you- what game? I was clued to my plate , and my beer. And when people cheered and screamed and yelled and laughed, I just raised my head and look confused.lol But it was fun anyway- partys are always fun.

Maires husband was guy of the day. HE prepeared all the food(almost, except foods the other people bought with them). He had marinated beef, chicken shrimp and grilled them, he had beans , onions, corn- you know, all the good stuff- and food really was awsome:) Thnks Maire and Steve one more time for doing this.:)

Arvake ara, mis ma tana oma aias, laimipoosa vahelt piilumas nagin? Yup!!! nartsissi- kohe kevade tunne tuli peale.

Happy New Year!Year 2006 (Red Dog) is the 4703rd Chinese year. The Chinese believe that the first king of China was the Yellow King (he was not the first emperor of China). The Yellow King became king in 2697 B.C., therefore China will enter the 4703rd year on February 4th, 2006. Also, the Chinese Year uses the cycle of 60 Stem-Branch counting systems and the Red Dog is the 23rd Stem-Branch in the cycle. Since 4700 = (60 *78) + 23, therefore this Red Dog Year is the 4703rd Chinese Year. Complicated??? Tell me about it. lol last night ( saturday) we went to our friends B day and it was also Chinese new years ever. ( she is wearing pink sweater on Pic, Melody). We started out in some Mr Pocets sports bar, where we played pool, arcade, foosball, ... and around 6.pm we went to chinese restaurant. I was not impressed with that restaurant very much. Food was toooo sweet, ( even my dh thought that food sucked big time). We do not like sweet chinese food. We love everything spicy.!!!!! After that party we went to other pary- one of our friends moves to London and she invited all the estonian chicks to her house( regulars, I mean). Almost all the girls had bought cake with them, so all there really was to eat were cakes- cheesecakes, rhubarb pie, apple pie, grazy hair cake( srry Leila, that is how I call that cake), and some other cakes ... so it was sweeeet night. ;). TODAY- sunday, we went to one more B day- it was first B day to our friends baby. Happy B Day Josh. Joshuas dad was men of the day and grilled us huuuuge hamburgers, stakes, sausages- food was awsome. Kids played, I ate, sun was shining and now I regret that I ate b/c my jeans are fitting really tight and I keep promising - tomorrow I will start my diet, tomorrow I will start my diet- and Like that I have been promising for 3 weeks now. But oh well, there is always day after tomorrow......;)

Nothing much is going on now. Today we went to see Big Mommas House2. FUNNY, VERY FUNNY!! Tomorrow we got lots of things going on. Birthday Party, Chinese New Years Eve, one of our friend is moving to london- so she has open house by-by party ( also tomorrow. Then , on sunday we have one more B party to go. At least we have something to do instead of sitting home and eating. ( yup, I am still eating. ) I gained 6 lbs within 8 days and working out is not an opiton right now. I tryed, but I ran out of breath after 10 minutes of biking, walking or lifting weights. So , if you see me in near future DO NOT ASK IF I AM PREGNANT- just know, I just got fat...

blues, I got wednesday blues...

Srry I have note been calling, emailing, chitchatting on msn or just catching up with you on any other way. I have very good reason for that- I JUST DONT FEEL LIKE IT. :( DO I sound mean? Do not take it personally- it is all in my head, You have done nothing wrong ;).
My healt is almost back to normal, only thing that is bothering me is sinus pressure now. But I think it is because Santa Ana winds brought some awsomely polluted air to Laguna Niguel and my allergies are acting up( not fun) . My bladder infection and tonsilitus are under control and I do not have to use restroom in every 5 minutes. :)

OK. OH, I forgot to mention. Past 5 days I have been eating like I am on steroids( not a joke). Antibiotics I am taking are making me hungry 24/7. I wake up middle of the night and I am hungry, I finished eating my breakfast and I am hungry, and I MEAN HUNGRY. If I do not get to eat food when I want it , I get those weird chills- GIMME FOOD NOW CHILLLLLS. AND I get very very very moody.... I have 5 more days on antibiotics . My pants don't fit me anymore.... APPI ( HELP)

I wish...

This weather that we had for couple of days, would last all year long. It is not to hot, not to cold- just right. perfect. :)
My dh is home now, kids are happy, I am happy and he is happy and all I hear is what a life, what a life what a life. blahblahblah. lol Yeah, i am PMSing and all the other things combined...

Anyway, yesterday , after we dropped kids to school we went to Barnes and Noble. he had coffe, I had my grande nonfat decaf latte with splenda... It was good.

Since sun was shining and weather was perfect, we headed to the beach. Laguna Beach was just beautiful yesterday. And we took some pictures and I discovered that something is wrong with my lense, there was some dust stuck inside somewhere and because of that my pictures had darks spots on them. So last night I read the manual and cleaned my camera..... But regardless
of that my dh got some good pictures of me and I got some good ones of him....

HELP....

In an hour I have to drive to LAX( los angeles airport) that is about 55 miles away. No big deal, my car has navigation system and I find it- even if I take wrong exit or miss right exit- I will find it.
Problem- my fever is back and i sneeze million times per hour. Also I got couple of little nosebleeds. Just wish me luck because my 2 whiny/tired/ sick kids will be with me on every step on the road.

Oh, i forgot to mention that I am going to LAX because my dh is coming home, so he could back his suitcase again to fly somewhere else. What a life....

Still hungry...

..I am still hungry and I am still eating scocolate I even added some chocolate chips into my salad....lol I am loosing my mind.....

But today I want to tell you about other things like what I pay to keep my smile almost white and what I do to keep my skin clean ( almost clean).

Now , that I have dental insurance I decided to update my fillings, they kind of lost theyr shine and started bothering me again. So today I got one filling changed. I HATE when doctors pokes my gums with needle and injects that numbing medicine. Oh I hate it so much I want to bite off his fingers every time he does it. Then I have to hang out all by myself for 10 minutes and then fun starts. He drills and pokes and drills and bonds and scrapes and drills some more and after some 20 minutes of drilling and filling my molar was done. My mouth was numb, my lips felt like they had tripled in size and bit my inner cheek at least 10 times before medicine wore off. AND now I am stuck with headache and toothace and with a huge regret that I decided to get my filling changed.

But I have to go back on friday, because there are 2 more ugly fillings that have to be changed( who sayes that they have ? I DO). And after I get these temporary fillings( 90 dollars each), I wait until september and then my "REAL" insurance finally kicks in and I can get brand new shiny crowns!!!! wohooo for those....( around 450 dollars each, but if I did not have insurance then it would be around 1000 dollars each).

I also saw my dermatologist. He was pretty happy how my skin finally looks. And then I told her , HELL YEAH, IT BETTER LOOK GOOD, I am paying fucking 50 dollars for Plexion mask( insurance only pays 20 dollars), I am paying 65 dollars for Rosac and then there is that Retin-A that costs more that all the other creams.( oh, and cheapest one of them all is Amoxicillin that I am taking 1500 mg per day, I only pay 5 dollar co payment for those) After I told him that, He looked at me for a minute, wrote down something on his little black book and then he told me- WE ARE DOING SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR MEDS. I HAD NO IDEA THAT YOU HAD TO PAY THAT MUCH FOR YOUR MEDICATIONS.( well, I did not before, but after my husband quit his awsome job, and we switched insurances, we got one that has horrible prescription medication plan, who new....) So now I have to try out all the generic brands for those meds that I am using, and if they work , I stay on them, if not- I have to pay high price to stay blemish free....

There goes my diet- again...

I did so good for a week with my dieting. I avoided sweets, ate about 1500 cals per day... but today was different. VERY different. This morning I woke up very, very hungry- so I made myself some cressents with parmesan, olive and sun dryed tomato filling. For lunch I had 2 bowls full of broccoly and smoked cheese soup, and for dinner- I had healthy dinner. I had salad. And then , around 8 PM real fun started. I started having chocolate grawings. BIG ones, and not just for chocolate. I wanted something MORE than just plain chocolate.

I checked my pantry, refrigirator, drawers etc . . I found vanilla pudding( powder form), cinnamon, Vana tallinn( liqour) , semi sweet chocolate chips, swiss sweet chocolate, and half and half. I heated some cream, poured in chocolate chips, powdered chocolate, vanilla , cinnamon - heated it until everything was nice and melted, then I added some vanilla pudding, honey and Vana Tallinn. I turned down the heat, poured everything into mixer and mixed it until it all was nice and foamy. OH AND NOW I HAVE been eating it. IT is sooooo good. Rich, and creamy and sweet and bitter same time. I wanna stop but I can not. I feel addicted. I had about 2 cups allready and 2 more are waiting. I need help. Someone- please take my spoon away and lock me into dark room without food for a week...... I NEED HELP!!!!!

...

OK. Please forgive me for being honest.....
Anyway, this was little shocker for both of us. Anorexia has left Estonia. Seriously. Where were all skinny girls wearing skimpy hooker like clothing??? OH, I forgot, it is winter in Estonia, so everyone probably gained kilo or 10 to keep themselves warm.... lol even my husband noticed it when we went to clubs and bars. But I am sure, if I go back during summertime ( whenever that happens), unhealthy underweight girls showing to much skin will be all over the place. There is still 5,1/2 months till warmer weather, so all of you still have some time to work out before hooker clothing season starts.....

Let me just do what I know best....

Oh, here I go. My trip to estonia was very different this time. I went there with my family, it was cold there and I finally got it- I LOVE USA, I LOVE CALIFORNIA.Yup. As mad as I may sound, I did not feel right home there this time. I think I am just spoiled.
****My search for best latte****
I may say that I did not find it. Wherever I went and ordered my latte, something was wrong with it. AND THEY do not make non fat or low fat lattes there, ( most of the lattes are made with 3,5% milk). So I had fat lattes, that had no real flavor. I MISSED MY STARBUCKS A LOT. bohooo. Latte sucked, but I do have to mention the best place I got it- it was in ADAVERE windmill( little restaurant/ tourist attraction). It was nothing special, but it tasted better than other coffee drinks.

*** Nowhere to go with kids???**(Laura is non smoker))
I wish estonia was as smoke free as CA. Trust me, it is horrible there. People even smoke in shopping malls( restaurant areas). It was very hard for us to go out with kids and have dinner somewhere. We managed to do so couple of times, but it was not plesent experience when smoker here, smoker there, smokers on left, smokerson right... We tryed to eat as fast as possible and then headed outside. GUESS what, when you get cought smoking outsides you may get fined( Yup, no smoking outside in public places) . YES, I did smoke to couple of times, but I left my cigarettes to estonia, and I never did so when kids were around.( bad me)

***More to come*** Estonia is gaining weight***

Grandma', grandpa', Gabriel and Regina

Nick, me and Allan( my grandmother and his grandfather were brother and sister, AND My grandpa and his grandma were brother and sister ( ( he had few beers... as you can see.... and he was about to have few more....

Happy 7th Anniversary to us( December 28th, 2005)

:):):)

Now I know...

all of you , who have been reading my Life as it Is Blog, know our current situation. www.diana78.blogspot.com
Now I know why people always complain about covernment jobs/facilities etc. Fuck- LA passport services sucks, passport general info sucks, USPS sucks and workers there suck because systems they operate suck.
I Am sooo hireing a lawer if I do not get MY promised passport tomorrow morning. Does paying for overnight express delivery means that it reallly takes 4 overnights to deliver one fucking important document??? AND why isn't her package in USPS system for tracking???? Someone needs some serious spanking!!!!!!!

Oh my dear Estonian people- wait another 10 hours before I can give you YES or NO. I feel embarrased that I got everybodys hopes up and I feel sad if we do not get to go to EST this year. I know my mom is very exited about us going. And I hate to make her sad. And Regina and Gabriel started crying when i told them that we may not go tomorrow. Kids are so aware what is going on in here. They hear me talking on the phone they see me crying and they know - OH NO, REGINAS PASSPORT IS Not IN LAGUNA NIGUEL YET! lol I hate , hate, hate, hate letting everyone down, and it is not even my fault. Oh, WTF. It is 10.10 pm and I have not had anything to eat today. I tryed to eat apple, but after 2 bites I just threw up( yeah, that is how "exited" I am about things not going the way they supposed to go.

Good Night, Good Morning and Happy holidays. I need hugs and lots of them.

My day...

Today was totally MY day. lol It did not start out as MY day but it ended. Today I had guy in the house who had to prime my ceiling and walls. Last week i had constuction guys in my house because my ceiling had huge long cracks and some of my walls looked just stupid. So I just called to s&S construciton and they fixed it. SO today the was the day my walls got primed . AND tomorrow is another big day. My diningroom window has moisture seal block and moisture has sneaked in between 2 windows. TOmorrow my window will be replaced. UGH. Long day with people I do not know..

Well, anyway. I got 2 awsome packages from Estonia today. One from my Mom and one from my friend. My mom sent me 4 packs of my favorite coffee in whole wide world ( Presidentti Caffee) it is a Finnish coffee and it is my absolute favorite. That just made my day.

Then another package arrived. And when I opened it it just blew me away. The other day I was thinking emailing to my friend and telling her that I miss her teas. ( she picks and tries tealeaves, herbs, special berries etc, immune system boosters ). And when I opened the box , it had 3 different kinds of teas in ( OH I am in heaven), chocolate and cookies for kids( Estonian ones. My Christmas spirit is back. I am so fuckin' happy today. Seriously. I can not stop smiling. I have not had sex for loooooooong time, and if people see me like this , they will definitely think I had some recently..... lol

Oh, something did go wrong today.... I forgot to apply sunscrean today. I am using some meds and creams to clear my acme and because of that I can not expose my skin to sun. Today I went out to pick Regina from school and I totally forgot. Now my face hurts and burns, and I only was on sun about 8-10 minutes. Hope my skin does not peel off tomorrow.

What a good day...

Today was totally MY day. lol It did not start out as MY day but it ended. Today I had guy in the house who had to prime my ceiling and walls. Last week i had constuction guys in my house because my ceiling had huge long cracks and some of my walls looked just stupid. So I just called to s&S construciton and they fixed it. SO today the was the day my walls got primed . AND tomorrow is another big day. My diningroom window has moisture seal block and moisture has sneaked in between 2 windows. TOmorrow my window will be replaced. UGH. Long day with people I do not know..

Well, anyway. I got 2 awsome packages from Estonia today. One from my Mom and one from my friend. My mom sent me 4 packs of my favorite coffee in whole wide world ( Presidentti Caffee) it is a Finnish coffee and it is my absolute favorite. That just made my day.

Then another package arrived. And when I opened it it just blew me away. The other day I was thinking emailing to my friend and telling her that I miss her teas. ( she picks and tries tealeaves, herbs, special berries etc, immune system boosters ). And when I opened the box , it had 3 different kinds of teas in ( OH I am in heaven), chocolate and cookies for kids( Estonian ones. My Christmas spirit is back. I am so fuckin' happy today. Seriously. I can not stop smiling. I have not had sex for loooooooong time, and if people see me like this , they will definitely think I had some recently..... lol

Oh, something did go wrong today.... I forgot to apply sunscrean today. I am using some meds and creams to clear my acme and because of that I can not expose my skin to sun. Today I went out to pick Regina from school and I totally forgot. Now my face hurts and burns, and I only was on sun about 8-10 minutes. Hope my skin does not peel off tomorrow.

The end of the world is close by.... I am wearing white.. Not sure what happened, but other day I went to Mervins. And there it was- hanging between black and gray jackets- White beautiful midlengt jacket. Price tag 50%off original price. I tryed it on and it fit and it looked good,and people walking by commented how nice I looked on this white jacket.....lol I just had to have it... and then, I went home and found my sisters knitted scarf. Wrapped it around my short neck around my head and voilaa.... I look like something else......

Madonna..

.. I just have to talk about her today. I LUV, LUV, LUV her. She is so fucking awsome. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I allready see your faces, and hear your comments- but I DO NOT CARE!! I love her. She has been my favorite since I remember. I always admired her. i am not much into that kaballah or chaballah or whatever ballah thing, but I am totally INTO her. TOTALLY. If I was gay, I would stalk her until my face was on front page of PEOPLE magazine. lol. But since I am almost happily married, I just drool in fron of Tv and secretly try to act like her. Oh, BTW, my brettish accent is much better than hers. lol

And she is such an awsome shape.... OH, I want her to be my trainer....

*******
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait
No time to hesitate
Those who run seem to have all the fun
I'm caught up
I don't know what to do

Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
I don't know what to do

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Ring ring ring goes the telephone
The lights are on but there's no-one home
Tick tick tock it's a quarter to two
And I'm done
I'm hanging up on you

I can't keep on waiting for you
I know that you're still hesitating
Don't cry for me
'cause I'll find my way
you'll wake up one day
but it'll be too late

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Whatever..

These past couple of months have been nothing but grazy. I have not had good night sleep since Nick left. Most nights I sleep 5-6 hours , there are nights I only get to sleep 4 hours. I am afride to fall asleep alone. . I am tired, grumpy and people just irritate me. Yeah, I know- BLAH, blah, blah blah- get some sleep. BU HOW???? I just can not fall asleep alone. I check kids million times during the night. I wake up ever 30 minutes because this freeking 3300 sq/f house is just creeping me out. And our cat has to go before christmas. I can not take it anymore. I sneeze like grazy and cat hair is everywhere. And last night I found my cat in my bathroom licking my retainers. Yuck. On monday I will go and get myself new retainers. NO WAY I stick something into my mouth that is licked by some cat , who licked his @$$ before licking my retainers.

Anyway, I am sleepy but I can not sleep. My mind is busy and restless , I am hungry and it is 11.16 pm.

M a d w o m a n Diana

Overall , awsome day!!!

Yeah!! After multiple phone calls to Trenton NJ, I finally got some questions answered. I mentioned you about Reginas Birth certificate coming in with typos. Well, at first they started blaming me, that I made mistakes on my application. SO I told them, look you ladies, I have it here with me and I am about to fax it to you. YOU tell me then that there are mistakes in my DD application. Suddenly they got really busy, but me on hold and after few minutes on hold, they got back to me and told me, SRRY madam, you were right, person who typed up these certificates made mistake. BUT to fix it, I HAVE to send it in with explanation letter and with my birth certificate copy. DUH!!! I told them I have ordered them before and they DO not need my birth certificate, just give me address, and number of the people who are responsible for this 35 dollar month late mistake. So I got more number, and after few more phonecalls I STILL have to mail in Reginas Birth certificate with explanation letter,but I do not have to include mine. Cool. They wanted me to mail it in with overnight delivery- 47 fucking dollars!!! Hell no!!!!!!!!!!! So I just did monday delivery that costed me 27 dollars. heck, *^*(%(*&(__&*&% I hate spending money on someone elses mistake.!!! ORDER!!! WHERE IS ORDER!????


Anyway, after that hectic morning I helped out in my daughters class, as I do in every friday. Then we got home, ate lunch, picked up Gabe. Dropped my kids off to playmates( after school acitivity/daycare) around 5.30pm. AND then the real fun started. My neighbors invited me to have dinner with them and then we went to see movie. We had dinner at Macaroni Grill. It was ok. I ordered wrong salad. It was way to sweet and way to fatty. YUCK!!! I hate fatty dressings. After few bites of my salad I was full. But then I saw dessert list and I had to get myself tiramisu- YUCK again. It was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!! If you ever had tiramisu before , then you know it has to be nice, moist, full of mascapone and coffeee. But this one was waaaay to dry, way to fresh, way to b l a n d!!!!! But I enjoyed dinner with friends. ANother funny thing my neighbors is--- I just found out that they TO got married in Las Vegas. They DO got married on 28th of december, but they got married in 1996, we got married in 1998. I mean, me and S. have the same "dry", weird, mean, kind of sence of humor. We constantly make jokes about each other and laugh out loud. lol We like same kind of things, same kinds of movies, even same kinds of foods. And our views about how to rise kids are same also. I little spooked out. lol And what is even spookier, our sons look like brothers.!!! I SWEAR!! Gabriel and D. look like brothers. ( He son is 7 months younger than Gabe.) :):):)

Oh, the movie we went to see was SAW 2. OH boy, lots and lots of blood. I LOVED IT!!! Saw on was more suspencful, but saw 2 was just bloody mess. lol Good mess!!!!!!! Thumbs up!!!!

I had a preminition......

lol

Month ago I ordered Reginas Certified Birth certificates . I payed total 35 dollars( 5 dollars per copy and rest of it for ovrenight delivery) And finally , month after I placed my order my certificates arrived. I am pissed about that. TO make things worse, they arrived with wrong infrormation. WTF???? They got my name wrong. I do not have middle name. And I doubble checked the form before faxing it to them , to make sure everything is ok.

BEFORE I got her certificates today- I placed another order, bc, I was sure they had messed up something. And afer I faxed new forms over to Vitalrecords, doorbell rang-- ding dong- overnight express at 1.55, one month later.. lol
I need these certificates NOW. I have not time to waste and wait. I have to apply for Reginas passport. I knew something had to go wrong to ruin my such a good lucky week!!!!!!

This is amazing!!!

**I AM DOING MY SILLY HAPPY DANCE** and I have reason to do so. Remember my car accident in Estonia- Deer v. Diana, that costed me 60 000 Estonian Krons??? I got a check in mail today- 4826 dollars!!!! I GOT MY MONEY BACK!!!!!!!!! I GOT MY MONEY BACK!!!! I*GOT*MY*MONEY*BACK*!!!! I never ever even once spoke to my claim handler. Everything was done via email or fax. I am so happy that things are finally looking up.

Now I have to wait until they finally get done with my Teenage Blond V. Diana case, so I can get my Enterprise rental money back ( about 1400). Oh.
I belive in Santa!!

Oh, adventures in Liberty Mutual land...

I am doing little better today. I am still congested but at least no headaches.

Do you know that it is really confusing to pay bills when you are used to paying same amount, but suddenly you get bill with 200 dollars added to that normal amount. lol Anyway, I got our liberty mutual Autoinsurance bill and it was 1742 dollars( yearly). It just sounded little off because I knew it was not supposed to be that high.I signed into account and sure enough, last year we payed 1582.
Anyway, I called them and asked what's up. And the answer was not what I expected. I was hoping that they made a mistake and that is why premium was higher. But no. It is because of my speedig husband. He got a speeding ticket last year in september. I guess he was driving with 80 miles in 65 mile zone. He payd off his speeding ticket , and our premium got raised. yuck.
Year ago I new nothing about how to manage and pay off the bills, and how to balance checkbooks etc. Now I am pro. lol I know exactly where my( our, srry sweety) money goes, and I know what to do if there is an error somewhere. lol I make myself laugh even talk about this b/c it just sound so stupid. lol Oh, and I am getting better talking on phone with people ( customer service specialist, who have no Idea how to help me ) lol

Oh, and my car accident case( US one), is still open and under investigation. What is wrong with those other people. Is it so hard for them to just step up to plate and quit playing games??

**Tuuli and Diana**. People who live in Estnia know who she is;) Anyway, I just want to let you know that I am sick, sick , sick. Not just sick of sitting home and cleaning, but Really sick. Yesterday started with headaches, the at night my throat was swollen and red and today I have chills. My nose is stuffy and burns when I breathe through my nose and food has no taste. yuck. Regina shares my illness with me. Whatever I got, she got it also. Blah. I am drinking hot thera flu( or whatever it is),and doing nothing, because my brain stopped functioning.

Fun fun fun. Yesterday( saturday) I went to North Hollywood to wine tasting party ( again). lol This time we tasted white wines. I do not remember what wine won but it was quite good. Congrats Maarika for bringing winning wine :) Myself I took Santa Margarita, Pinot Grigio(2004). Sale price 22 dollars, but with Vons card I got it with 18. I was looking for 2003 year bottle( my fave), but I was unable to find it. At taste tasting I really did not like that wine very much. It used to be my fave white one( of course 2003 one), but this one tasted way to sour for my taste. So out of 6 wines it shared 4th-5th space. Even dollars store , one dollar wine got better place. lol
This time there was even one wine from Estonia( Poltsamaa Lossi vein), this wine was not for my taste at all. To fruity. NMS.

It was fun night filled with 16 drunk Estonian chicks( In general). I volunteered to make snacks to have with wine. Of course I had to make my famous Walnut goat cheese/gorgonzola terrine. I also salted some salmon, made some smoked salmon with cream cheese filling( rolls), and OF course , what party is without cake. I made pumpkin cheesecake that was big hit !!! I am really happy how everything turned out. ON these days I do not get a chance to practise my culinary arts that much b/c my kids love simple "gourmet' food like plain macaroni and corn dogs. lol And just thinking about making something simple that everyone would enjoy, made me feel good..

oh, I forgot to mention. Kristinas friend( Party was at Kristinas house) made excellent dinner for all of us. Basmati rice with almonds and green peas, rice was wrapped in filo dough and was really crispy and cruntchy from top. That was the best rice I have ever had in my life. HE also made lentil soup, roasted chicken, fish, and some vegetable dish. Everything was just great. OHOHOH, and I have to tell you about THE bread. I have never had so good sourdough bread. He has his own starter that he uses to make home made breads. Oh, carbs!!!

I just have to let it out

SCREAM!!!! Oh F*U*C*K* ( srry). My left sholder hurts so bad the pain is shooting from sholder to my toes. Nothink works anymore. Physical therapy sucks, painkillers suck, sleeping on right side sucks. Everything sucks. Damn sholder. I think I just go ahead and agree with my doctor, that I really, really need cortisone( some weird hormone) injections to my swelling joints. pain is so freekin' bad it sucks to be me.
The worst part is that I can not carry my kids , I can not drive car without holding my tears back, I can not dress or undress without my sholder popping in and out of socket( sp?). Even typing hurts.
All you teenagers out there - listen to your moms- if your mom or dad says this or that will start hurting you when you get older- DO NOT ROLL YOUR EYES. I did..now I wish I payd more attention to all the No-nos.

ps- tomorrow will be fun night. Another wine tasting ahead. I hope to taste my pain away.
d

Lets talk about favorites to lighten the mood...

I think that finally at age 27 I have found my real me. I know what I like, I know what I want and I know how to get it. lol But the sad truth is I am to lazy to pursue my dream. Well, lazy is not the right word to describe but close enough. What I really need right now is good location, about 200 000 dollars and people who will listen to my every word and never argue with me. I am not asking much, right?? lol Really, I really am ready to take my big step, I am ready to go and start something nobody has never done before. But, there is always that B U T!!!. And I do not like buts. So, I rather sit here home and wait until sky starts falling down and I get filty rich just biting my fingernails while watching Jerry Springer.
That is all I have to say. Good nigh.

Here is one pic on me when I was pregnant with Gabe.I am not sure what month, but I tink it is somtimes in march, april or may 2001. We still lived in Newport beach and I ate whatever I wanted and whenever I wanted. And I did have GOOD apetite.lol

I am so not in good shape.

Oh gawd. What is wrong with me again. I did so good dieting since tuesday. But today I just gave in and ate as much sweets as I wanted. Today our neighbors invited us over for little fall party. It was fun. But if you know me well enough, you know that I never go to peoples houses empty handed. While ago I told my neighbor that I LOVE pumpkin cheesecake. She thought that pumpkin pies look and taste gross and pumpkin cheescakes will taste the same. So I baked he MY version of pumpkin cheescake and after I baked it, I cooled it down, took cookie cutters and cut my cheescake into mini pumkins ( about 3 in ones). It is the BESTESTEST cheesecake ever. She LOVED it. Even her brothers wife who also is PUMKIN hater loved it, and even took few pieces with her. And since I baked it of course I had to have it. And I had BIG time. lol Now I feel big, but in a good way. I just hope that I wount turn into sweet round pumkin..... ;)


Now on a different note.... I had the worst real PMS in my whole life. It started right after my estonia trip( in august) and ended now( 2 days ago). I was moody, crampy, hungry, nauseus, horny, happy, sad, depressed- ALLL same time. I even went to doctor twice to make sure I was not pregnant- THANKS GOD , I was not. And then few days ago I finally got my period and I have never been so exited and happy in my life. lol Doctors these days are really fast recomending antidepressants- they do work really well, and I have tryed them in the past, but I this time around I sayed NO, but thanks for offering. I want to be on control. I want to cry when there is reason for tears, I want to laugh when I am happy . I want to be mad , when something gets on my nerves and most of all I want to feel alive and feel like I am real me. Yeah, at times I feel and act like real wacko but that is normal. Everybody is on drugs these days and It is harder for me to get to know real them. What they really feel, how they really act. It is good to hear that it is helping lot of you out there:) I just want to learn to deal with everything my way. I do shred more tears when I talk about my daughters condition, but that is normal. I have right to feel sad and cry when I feel like I can not hold it in anymore. That is me, those are my emotions, and if you think I am to emotional and hormonal, then you are probably to drugged. ( lol, just kidding). Anyway, I am not sure what I am trying to say. I do not want to put anybody down using meds for depression or anxiety. do so if you feel like it and if you can not deal with what you have to deal with. I just eat my cheescake and call it " My drug".

Good nigh. tomorrow is new day, and I start my diet again and hopefully this time I follow it until thanksgiving ( 24th of november)

!!!

Friday update!!!- Beth is home and doing awsome :)

Reginas Best friends mom is having gall bladder surgery today. I hope it goes well!!!!

Best wishes Beth.

Blah

Nothing interesting to report. Yesterday was halloween and we all went out to Trick or Treating . This year Halloween was grazy. TOOOOO many kids ( we got around 500) . It really truly was grazy. From 6pm till 9pm it was nonstop rollacoaster with barbies, batmans and sceletons. Oh how could I forget all the sweet cute princesses and candy hungry ALMOST college kids. What is wrong with you 15 year olds. You all look like anorexia had hit you, and there you go yelling TRICK OR TREAT behind each door hoping to get some candy so you can let your friends know that you got one OZ more than they did. Stupid.

I'm just so sick of all this sugar sitting on my countertop and drawers and purse. I hate people who invented white chocolate covered Reeses peanut butter cups. I used to hate peanut butter taste, but after one bite of those evil treats I was changed person. i want more!!!!! I also hate people who mixed up recipe for Butterfingers. I really, really do. Oh those things are sooo good. They just make you longing for more. I take one tiny bite and before I know it, bag in front of me is empy, and I feel like crap because I just ate whole bag of sweet buttery , peanuty tasting $H!TT!!! Oh crap. I am moody! I really have to get my lazy ass off this chair and hit the gym. I pay membership every single month and I have not been in gym for at least 3 months. :( I just do not feel like going there. I do my cardio and mini weights at home... Ah whatever. I just love complaning , that is so me....
Take care. And if you really want some good candy , call me!!! I may ship some of it to you if you play nice...
Di