Friday, October 30, 2009
I am not here to please anyone. I am here for me. I am here with my thoughts and feelings. I have been honest. I have been ME.
There are days I wish people could be more than themselves. JUST forget about "game faces". Stop pretending that you are something else. But I can't ask for it. It is their choice, their freedom. if they want to pretend, I have to deal with it. But I can't stand it when they turn around and do something behind their friends back..
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Myself I was dying inside. I could not keep it together, I just cried while she just laid down her eyes closed.... After that she had couple of confusing, but good days.. SHe was smiling, and giving us last directions, and I have not been able to follow those directions. I have not been able to play online with her webkinz... I look at them daily next to her Urn, but I can't insert her password, and username.. I cant...
I feel anger towards cancer, and how little doctors really know about cancer and genes, and drugs-- .
I feel angry at those few times I got mad at her.... ..
I HATE GOING TO STORES and seeing HER STYLE EVERYWHERE.... I Miss making her her favorite foods and making her smile . I miss how she hugged me when I needed my hug, and I miss hugging her tight when she needed one hug... I miss how she pushed me away and said -- ENOUGH__- I want to watch TV NOW....
I don't want to miss her so much that it is hard to breathe at times..
I LOVE HER SO MUCH IT HURTS...