Who we really are??

I feel pretty, oh so pretty... heheh. Oh come on Diana, get a grip. Regina told you POSe and you struck a cheesiest pose possible. BOOOOOO. All I really want to do is but on a goth outfit and scare neighborhood kids.....

TB test results.

It is about 20 mm radius circle. And very itchy. It is positive, but SINCE i DID have those weird immune system jeopardizing vaccines at early age, it was expected. I had an x ray , and it showed that I still had mu lungs in there..hehe

Now I have to stop stressing about life issues.

Today one of the worst thoughts came to my head. It is so horrible it made me cry. If you are ready to read something really disturbing then go ahead, but if you wanna have a good night/day, then leave now... I warned you.

" I do not want to have feeling". I do not want to feel pain, I do not want to worry about Regina, I wish I never felt The love towards her. IT is so hard for me to deal with her being sick and me not knowing what's going to happen tomorrow... Or even later today.
Wha if cancer comes back? I do not want to be damaged! How selfish of me to even think like this? It is just not normal. I wish there was written book about Feelings for Dummies, when your child has brain tumor/cancer.

Yuck...

I mentioned while ago that I applied for volunteering position in ST. Joseph Hospice care. Well, before that I had to fill out whole bunch of paperwork, that pretty much meant that I AM NOT ALLOWED TO ACCEPT ANY GIFTS from my patients. heh. Not a big deal, I am not doing it because i want something out of it, I applied because I want to help.
My guess is that there are people who do it because they want to get something out of it ( like will , or gifts)/ Anyway, I kind of felt like I was not trusted with my intentions and it did hurt a little. :( Then, second thing I had to do was Tuberculosis test.. Not a big deal. Righs? Just a tiny poke and then wait 48 hours and go back to doctors for a reading.
My issue is... I have been tested positive before and I had TONS of x rays taken over the course of my Elementary years and they all were ok, but tests always turned out positive, OR false positive..
Ok, I had this test done on Monday. Today testing site is BURNING red and raised and itches as hell. I never had such a bad reaction. I am littlebit worried. IF I had tuberculosis I would be coughing my insides out.. Right??? I am really hoping that it is also one of those false results and IF I get an x ray (IF) everything will be ok.

Just waiting...

AIDS- This makes me very sad...

Some statistics. Estonia is small ( just about 1,3 million people). And give you idea - It takes about 4 hours to drive from one end of Estonia to other...
And I am sure if I find 2007 statistics, percentage is even larger. This is not good. not good at all

http://www.avert.org/eurosum.htm

UNAIDS estimates that HIV prevalence among adults exceeds 1% in Estonia, Ukraine, Moldova and Russia.⁵

Eastern European country	HIV diagnoses in 2006	Rate per million in 2006	Cumulative total, end 2006	Adult HIV prevalence 20052
Armenia	66	21.9	429	0.1%
Azerbaijan	242	28.6	965	0.1%
Belarus	733	75.6	7,747	0.3%
Estonia	668	504.2	5,731	1.3%
Georgia	276	62.2	1,156	0.2%
Kazakhstan	1,745	117.8	7,402	0.1%
Kyrgyzstan	244	45.8	1,070	0.1%
Latvia	299	130.3	3,631	0.8%
Lithuania	100	29.3	1,200	0.2%
Republic of Moldova	621	148.0	3,464	1.1%
Russian Federation†	39,207	275.1	369,187	1.1%
Tajikistan	204	31.0	710	0.1%
Turkmenistan	0	0.0	2	<0.1%
Ukraine†	13,256	288.3	91,057	1.4%
Uzbekistan	2,205	81.7	10,015	0.2%
Total	59,866	-	503,766	0.8%

health as it is...

oh wow.. I have been taking allergy medications to stop me dying here.... Oh wow, Sneezing, itchy and watery eyes, stuffy nose, headaches, blurry vision, painful yaws...... Oh gawd.. Help me. My immune system is compromised by Crazy global warming California weather. One day HOT, then cold, then warm, then colder, then super hot again and then foggy...
Thanks Kathy for great advice. Nausea has passed- NO , I am not Pregnant... Just suffering from sort of weird condition. Uh, but so what?? Henry's has all kinds of natural remedies to help me cope with whatever I have, and even temporary relief is very welcome by me. If Estonia was bigger, then this ALl natural herbs could be huge business there, because you can pick ALL the herbs from nature , you just have to know what herbs they are...
Anyway. Spring brake has started and our family will start Road trip to Yosemite. I hope it brings some much needed relief and peace to our lives. :)

WHAT THE *F* IS WRONG WITH ME??

I just recovered from fuckin' flu. I was fine for 10 days. ONLY 10 DAYS??/ Thats all I get ?
Yesterday I went to bed 10.15 PM. And I woke up this morning 9 AM with a banging headache and nausea ... and swollen tonsils and ringing in my ears. Am I damned because I wrote badly about our health care system? Or Is it because people ask me why I am so anti Estonian( which I am not, or kind of I am uh whateva) Anyway, I am sick again and it feels like there is this huge rock tied to my chest.... Peppermint tea, camomille tea, echinasea tea or however you spell this anyway., vitamins, more camomille more peppermint, more fish and apples and gallons of water and chicken noodle soup. Oh I feel crappidy crappy .....

Oh..

I am this point in my life , I have no point...lol. I can't stand stupid drama or backstabbing. It is fun for a while, but really.. Who cares... I can't stand living in past and hearing comments like- But when I lived there, but this is how things were done back then.... WHo the fuck cares how things were done 10 years ago... We should care how things should be done NOW. How to improve imperfections.. All I want is to people to take step back, breathe in and out- GO shop in burlington "goat" factory and drink some red "whine".. and then start thinking.

You know what drives me insane the most? If you do not care, I am still telling you.
I am pissed with American health system. I am thankful for all the great doctors and nurses. And I think when America gets universal heatcare, our health will go downhill from there....

Anyway. We pay our taxes- LOTS OF TAXES... Property tax for our family is almost 9000 dollars per year. And we get this bill sometimes in End of December. Not happy. But we want to live in this big $ 3700 dollars per month for 32 years kind of house..., 1000 dollars for utilities, ( trash , gas, electricity, water, exterminator, gardener, community fees...etc.
700 dollars for food... AND our paycheck is gone.... GONE with a wind...

And then we get monthly medical bills- sometimes 500 dollars, sometimes 5000 dollars. Our february bill was 3000 dollars. We still have not payed it. They send us warning that they will send collectors into our house blah blah blah.... Who cares...

... Now... Every time I go to CHLA I ask from different people and families about their medical bills- Family from Iraq- they have been CHLA patients for over a year, THEY DO NOT HAVE TO PAY A PENNY FOR ANYTHING!!! Not even for a living. Luckily our great government takes care of them and makes sure they are safe and healthy.... Oh, I forgot to mention- Wife has 2 mercedeses, one BMW, and some other car she was very proud about.....

Family from mexico ( not all of them are that lucky)... pays nothing- because they know how to work this system...

Family from America- gets bills, cries and pays the bills...

Family from Russia- NON. they pay nothing NOt even a penny... Americans take care of them.


I know, not everybody gets this superior treatment... BUT if family from america drives BMW, lives in a great house.. Makes 100 000 dollars per year... and can handle lifestyle they live... And then add medical bills... life is over..
I often hear people say.. Oh, they drive a great car, they must have lot of money... yeah,, we have money to handle our "regular" expenses, but it does not include monthly extras like medical bills, emotional support, doctors appointments because health issues due stress...

Why can't America take care our OUR children first and then somebody else? Who the fuck are they trying to impress? the whole world--- LOOK, I took care of your health over our countries health..

Diana is mad and upset and ready to explode...

Nahhh...blog that makes no sense

For a while I though I am going to close this blog, because I got sick of my negative side. I disgusted myself with my own negativity.. Not me at all..
I thought about it for a minute and said to myself.... So what? There is nice side to all of us and mostly we show that pretty side... but I know 100 percent ,that all of us also have that nasty i know it all side, and since most of us want to stay safe we only smile and nod and walk away from drama..

I have been watching Bad Girls Club( or whatever that show was), and I was watching that show with dropped jaw( I think it hit the floor......), and disbelief. HOW could anybody behave the way girls behaved in that show. It was purely disgusting.

They were spitting in food, peeing on countetops and sinks, getting drunk and wasted and yuck....

YOu know. I love to party once in a while. I like to get drunk once in a while. I know I look like fool and my face looks pretty screwed up... but There is no excuse for me to start a fight when I am drunk, or disrespect people.. But I am not drinking every night, I am not drinking for breakfast, for lunch or dinner.... When things really get out of hand? Why people start wanting to drink for brakfast? Why they feel like they can't stop drinking? WHat is their excuse? When does addictions start? IF I have glass of whine once a day during dinner- does it mean I am alcoholic? If I do not drink for couple of weeks, does it mean I am in remission and then after couple of weeks I had a drink I relapsed??
I am talking about it because - seems like "everybody" is checking in to rehabs. Is it next in thing to do to get publicity? Do I need publicity, attention? Should I check into rehab only because I really love my once in a while glass of wine and feel like I am addicted to cheese and wine? Is there addiction clinic for Cheese lovers? Because I like cheese on everything.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZHBkC-dayg

One...

One Tamale, 2 tamales 3 tamales- MORE, 4 tamales, 5 tamales , 6 tamales- I CAN't eat no more..
Today Padres organization came to 4th floor and cooked lunch for all of us. My love to tamales is sickening. I could eat them and eat them until I am ready to throw up. I can't say no to GOOD HOMEMADE TAMALES- this time they had 3 different types of tamales, El Salvadore'an, Mexican, and some other tamales with pinaple junks in it. IT WAS HEAVENLY. I had 5 of them. I just ate like I never seen food before. They also had some soup, that was very flavorful and had some kind of beans in it, but I was not sure what kinds. It was one of the best Spanish food lunches I have had for a long while. Thanks again to those who made it possible. :)

Those trashy Estonians...

OMG..lol Perez Hilton wrote about Estonia (ns)lol

http://perezhilton.com/?p=10076

I had no idea...

This is email I found in my ebox this morning... I am sure most of you have got some kind of penis mail, but I HAD NO IDEA I had a penis...?? How did I miss it???

Research has revealed that your p -e _nis has the ability to grow beyond its current size

My sister...

GUESS WHAT , GUESS WHAT!!!!!!
My sister is coming to visit me for 13 days.WOHOWHOOO. I know, I know, 13 days is short time, but at least she can come and help me out , while my DH makes us some money, so I can spend a whole day in the spa...;) She will land on 11th of November and fly back to Estonia on November 23rd.

I am BAAACK...

BEFORE....
AND AFTER :)

Yah.. I am bjak.
It has been pretty intense few weeks. Honestly, Life in Ronald McDonald house is pure rehab. No drinking, I need a drink...... I am not smoking, so what smoking is allowed. Should I start again?.. At least I will start saying no to macadamia nut cookies. ( I LOVE COOKIES).. Somebody bring me a bottle of TURI vodka , I really need it. DANG.. I need drinking buddies... AND I really need to get my fat ass to gym. I wanna go, but I really do not feel like it.. I want to loose weight, but what does it really matter, if I am going to gain it back afterwards??? hmh? I am not ready for LIFESTYLE change... blah blah blah... ALL I need is one LONG night in nightclub with girls, drinking Martinis and listening latest club beats... like Gimme me more...lollollol...
More what?? Cookies??? cakes?? Spider cupcakes, candy corn?? gummy spiders?? YUCK.. sugar overload here..... ok, nuff that...

Also, I really need to see chiropractic.. My back , neck is sooo stiff and painful. And to top it off, my latest trend is to have nightly headaches... It is starting to get annoying... ( sorry, for complaining about my silly issues, when people are loosing their homes due to fire in ca).
Air quality sucks, we are breathing in junks of dust... It still has not rained, WE are stuck here in LA due to Reginas LOW counts... And add more to the story, WE HAVE TO STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE UNTIL REGINAS ANC IS AT LEAST 500.... Which will happen about in 5 days...


BUT I have to admit. I am so thankful to my good friend Julee, who did my hair. She did extraordinary job cutting and coloring. My hair never looked better. ;) Thanks JULEE...

Robyn 'Handle Me'

What a day..

I am tired of being nice..lol Back to my PMS mode..

Anyway, today was one crappy happy day. It started out 8 am . After I dropped my car to get brakes fixed I was told that sensors has to be fixed, and this and that and overall your car is crap right now.... And I ended paying 780 dollars for brakes, oil changes, filter changes, more oil changes and some other stuff. Engine oil was kind of black so I thought - WTF, Lets just spend some money here. ANd air filter looked discusting - again my first thought was - WTF have I been breathing in the whole time. yuck....
After 3 hours in some ecno or whatever I went to see my doctor because I have enlarged lymph nodes and I have been hysterically stressed about them ( of course my dh has no clue what to say). SO there I go to see my doctor. Sadly he was not in. There was someone else covering for him. Someone I do not like very much especially If I see that someone first time....
She looks at me, touches my neck. asks me to blow my nose, checks my ears, tonsils, asks me to say AAAAAA and then checks something on his digital medical book- HMh. HEr response-
DRY mouth is side effect of your Celexa - ( thank you very much, but I have been on it for a while and I have been doing greatm thank you very much again).
HMH. OK. YOU have enlarged lymph nodes ( I think I told her that first place). There are 2 reasons why you have them. First- You most likely had some upper respiratory infection that has not cleared up, OR you had recent acne break out ( of course she was hinting to my big zit sitting on my for head).
Honestly- I wanted to smack her and tell her- LOOK Lady, My lymph node is fuckin painful,and I feel like I need to drink up whole ocean... And you are telling me that my ZIT is causing my lymph node to grow that fast that painful..

BUT instead I asked- SO what to you recommend??? Try some zhitromax and if your lymph nodes are still swollen in 2 weeks come back and we are going to take a closer look. MY first panicy first thought was- OMG I WILL BE DEAD IN 2 weeks because you are curing my cancer with acne medication... But then I came to my senses and told myself.- Just calm down diana... She is just doctors assistand.. It is not her fault if I die before 2 weeks is up... .hahah.


Anyway, right now I am hoping that that lump goes away and I can live happily ever after and I do not have to come back from " other side" and haunt her .....

Then we had Ronald McDonald meeting. Kinds of like- How is RMDH helped you while your kids are seeking treatment. In general I like RMDH. It is close to hospital , great kids library, allrighty kitchen, lots of magazines to read, bed full of bed bugs and roaches... and few rats... ( outside, I seen them). AND i told them that I hate 24 hour rule, and I told them that they should change it... So I am hoping they are at least thinking about working out some kind of plan with hospital to monitor who is on treatment, those can stay away for longer and who is off treatment have to check in in 24( compromize).. But then Few spanish families started complaning about 4 family rule. They want AT LEAST 5 if not six, and they want to house visitors and so on... I wanted to stand up and tell her- LOOK LADies and Gentlemen- how is housing 6 people under those conditions is going to help your kid???? But I kept my mouth shut,,, I just YAAAWWWNNEEEDD... And end of meeting I got 20 dollar vons gift certificate- I made 20 dollars today. :) WOHOOOO.
Right now I can not fall asleep because I got mild fever and I am trying to stay awake to see if it goes away ... AND I never had DZ, but after seeing what they have to offer , I dream about it...

Enough bad stuff...

I decided that I become an angel and NEVER even talk trash about other people... never ever everever ( YEAH, right, like that ever going to happen haha).
But todays blog is about things I like( Most of you know that I love my family, so I am not going to talk about them). This post is entirely about products I love.

Since I love make up I have tried way to many different brands and there are still way to many to go.. But I absolutely love Sheer Cover BASE PERFECTOR.
http://www.sheercover.com/ I currently switched from Bare Minerals to Sheer Cover and I LOVE SHEER COVER SO MUCH MORE. Their products are much more gentle on skin and give awesome coverage. This is link with Bare Minerals. http://www.bareminerals.com/

I also loved Sheer Cover mascara - AWESOME PRODUCT. I love that it does not stain my lids and when I wash it , it comes off in clumps, instead of tinting my whole face black.

FOr eye make up base I love Lancome product. It is very silky and creamy. I just apply to my eye before I apply make up and it keeps my make up in place for whole day. very good product. :)
http://www.lancome-usa.com/makeup/eyeshadow/aquatique.htm


Thanks to Kathy Now I am hooked to Crabtree-Evelin rosewater body wash.
http://store.crabtree-evelyn.com/148-ros36930011.html

I like that it is not overpowering and my skin smells and feels fresh all day long. I also use their perfumes which are sweet but not over powering sweet. :) LOVE IT... Thanks Kathy.:)

OH, I have to go,, regina is asking for Lunch... She want to have spagetti with marinara sauce..

Di

I am not sure...

what happened to My PMS. I do not have PMS at all. I feel peace. Nothing bugs me, ( besides my own stupid issues like fat ass and acne covered face).
I look like I need a serious face lift and More I walk around In LA area, I do need bigger boobs and more fat in my belly area..... Just thought I let you know.....

I need something , but I am not sure what I need. I want to do things, but I can not start anything. I want people act NORMAL around me. I am so tired everybody being careful what they are saying or suggesting... Oh dang it... Life goes on no matter what is going on in our lives. If I can deal with it , so can you....

I want to feel like Diana again.

I think I am going through middle age crisis. ( Yes at age 29). I am not sure what I want or who I am. All I know is I want world peace and cure for cancer. Cure for cancer first and then world peace.. I think.
OK. It has been very emotional almost couple of months for us. I still can not believe that Regina relapsed. I look at her and It just does not sound right. She looks great, she acts great, she is smarter and sharper than before, she still does not like to read much and Math is her fave subject. She LOVES high school musical and Hanna Montana and Suite life with Zack and cody. SHE loves dancing and singing. SHE LOVES playing with barbies and Bratz ( I HATE BRATZ, but for her I have to love them). I just got her new Bratz dvd Bratz kids sleepover ,( I think). NOW she is requesting me to redecorate her room in Hannah montana style... HUH??? I ask.... HANNAH MONTANA.. what the heck happened to princesses - She tells me- Mommy, I still love princesses, but it is time for change.. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY REGINA??? SHE IS GROWING UP. H E L P. Next thing I know she will be asking belly ring and mohawk ( spelling). ANd before I can turn around she comes home and tells me she is wants to run away.. because I suck as a mother..... To I think to much ahead??? But that is all I can do right now.. THINK and guess and speculate ... Oh, I hate my life. I truly do. Seriosly- Why can't I be 6 foot brazilian victoria Secret beauty with flawless skin and beautiful long legs??? Again- That is not much to ask... I know In my past life I was british street musician ... Now I am suffering mom.. Next life there better be something good for me or I will scream...

Oh.. I just emailed my friend Kathy about my tonight coctail... Do not laugh. I have not had a drink for a while because drinking is big NO NO in CHLA( childrens hospital of Los Angeles) so here is drink for Today-- 1 scoop of slim fast powder, 2 oz of wodka, 7 oz of cranberry juice 4-5 pieces of frozen pinapple . BLENDER- ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ until it all looks nice and foamy and them VOILAA. Slimming and energizing drink all at once:) Trust me, It tastes DELISIOSO...

OK. Now I am going to sleep because tomorrow is another day.

AND ALL OF YOU. GO visit LA. Check out West coast estonian days. IT IS HUGE festival that celebrates estonian arts . It will be fun..... Check out this link .

http://lep2007.com/eng/?page_id=3

I am sorry..

I am truly sorry that I have left this blog kind of hanging...
Truth is- I can't find anything negative to say at this moment. I could talk about how cancer sucks and how , sleeping in hospital bed night after night sucks.
What I can say is.. I will be back after I inhale some negativity from somewhere and I'll be back..
Well, I should have something Negative to say actually. Reginas story was published in one Estonian Newspaper ( well, it is US kind of newspaper, full of gossip and daily Estonian news) It also has online Version. For me it was little bit strange to read comments where people commented things like- Gabriel Austin got his name because Mom and Dad had sex in backseat of Austin Martin???? Or.. Perverts- they radiated their daughter, or the best comment of all- what a Stupid brainless housewife I am. Most likely after my 15 minutes of fame....


Comments like that just make me roll my eyes... roll roll roll roll roll roll roll roll....
But I was also surprised by all the great caring comments. :) Thank you . I did not contact newspaper . They contacted me, and I just wanted share Reginas story, because I feel that she is incredible fighter and strong spirit. Yes, she is INCREDIBLY spoiled, but why not spoil her to pieces... We even feed her lol.. Just regina... lol She is true Princess here.... ;)

Cancer sucks...

I am sorry, dear friends that I have left this very important blog kind of hanging ....
The truth is, I have lots to write about, but since C A N C E R is very touchy subject, I will not touch it... All I can say.. cancer sucks. PEDIATRIC cancer sucks. What would you do if doctors tell you- your daughter/son has only about 2 months to live? ANd they pretty much tell you to give up hope... There is nothing much you can do??? Would you give up because you want to listen to doctors??


NO NO NO.. If there was rehab for losers , somebody would make huge amounts of money by now...

We are not giving up. We are doing EVERYTHING we can Before we give up. And I hope we never have to give up. We found doctor in CHLA who is filling to but Regina on high ( very intensive chemo). If tumors start shrinking, she will be hit with even higher doses of chemo than first round. Downside is-- chemo might be too strong for her and she may pass away during her treatments... But if tumors start shrinking then WOHOOOOOOOOHOOOOHOOOOO. But if we do not try- will we ever find out... so why not!!! We have to try .
Also, We have started her on some very expensive Chinese natural meds ( mushroom) , It is about 60 year old mushroom and Lb pricee is 600 dollars. It should be enought tea for 13 weeks.. Hopefully it also helps...

And yesterday I was introduced to hyperbaric oxygen therapy. That benefit her while her immune system has failed... You know, there is so much out here , and I am learning more and more every day. As stupid it sounds, I am amazed what we can do with natural medications to our daughter, but again. We have to combine it with contemporary meds for maximum effects.

Then on thursday Regina will meed traditional Chinese medicine doctor and she will make personalized plan for her. :) Very very cool!!!

There is HOPE. We are not giving up, and nether should you...