Wednesday, April 23, 2008

TB test results.

It is about 20 mm radius circle. And very itchy. It is positive, but SINCE i DID have those weird immune system jeopardizing vaccines at early age, it was expected. I had an x ray , and it showed that I still had mu lungs in there..hehe

Now I have to stop stressing about life issues.

Today one of the worst thoughts came to my head. It is so horrible it made me cry. If you are ready to read something really disturbing then go ahead, but if you wanna have a good night/day, then leave now... I warned you.

" I do not want to have feeling". I do not want to feel pain, I do not want to worry about Regina, I wish I never felt The love towards her. IT is so hard for me to deal with her being sick and me not knowing what's going to happen tomorrow... Or even later today.
Wha if cancer comes back? I do not want to be damaged! How selfish of me to even think like this? It is just not normal. I wish there was written book about Feelings for Dummies, when your child has brain tumor/cancer.


Anonymous said...

very deep. i have no experience with unhealthy children so i cannot totally relate, but my guess is that it is normal. i sometimes have similar thoughts as my girls father and i are going through a seperation and the thought of not waking up with my kids everyday and not doing their homeword everyday makes me literally sick. i sometimes wish i didnt love them so much too, cause then the pain wouldnt be so intense. we both know that isnt gonna happen though, nor do we really want it to. we love them deeply and are lucky to have such love on our lives. the mother child bond is an incredible thing.
dont feel selfish, that is the last thing you are (at least from what i read). hugs to you... tiffani

Ilaria said...

I have had a positive TB test too, it just means you have been exposed to it not that you have the disease. :)