In a short note- I am not liking me right now. I am not liking new me. I have lost motivation to do things or please others. I do not like even pleasing myself. I strongly dislike may. ANd aI have hated May with passion past 3 years. May 8 - my birthday- Regina was seriously ill, and I was too tough on her. May 26th , 2004, me flying to Estonia, Reginas condition was getting worse, we still had no idea what was going on. May 27, I was flying back to US, Because I was asked to . May 29th I found out that Regina had brain surgery to remove Brain tumor... I Still blame myself for not being there for her every step on the way. I HATE THAT I DID NOT LISTEN TO MY INNER SELF .... I CAN'T STAND FEELING LIKE THIS EVERY YEAR, EVERY MAY... IT IS OVER NOW, what am I afraid off?? I know I cant turn back time and change things around, but it bothers me.... I can't let go... I just cant... It is getting frustrating...