I am so not in good shape.

Oh gawd. What is wrong with me again. I did so good dieting since tuesday. But today I just gave in and ate as much sweets as I wanted. Today our neighbors invited us over for little fall party. It was fun. But if you know me well enough, you know that I never go to peoples houses empty handed. While ago I told my neighbor that I LOVE pumpkin cheesecake. She thought that pumpkin pies look and taste gross and pumpkin cheescakes will taste the same. So I baked he MY version of pumpkin cheescake and after I baked it, I cooled it down, took cookie cutters and cut my cheescake into mini pumkins ( about 3 in ones). It is the BESTESTEST cheesecake ever. She LOVED it. Even her brothers wife who also is PUMKIN hater loved it, and even took few pieces with her. And since I baked it of course I had to have it. And I had BIG time. lol Now I feel big, but in a good way. I just hope that I wount turn into sweet round pumkin..... ;)


Now on a different note.... I had the worst real PMS in my whole life. It started right after my estonia trip( in august) and ended now( 2 days ago). I was moody, crampy, hungry, nauseus, horny, happy, sad, depressed- ALLL same time. I even went to doctor twice to make sure I was not pregnant- THANKS GOD , I was not. And then few days ago I finally got my period and I have never been so exited and happy in my life. lol Doctors these days are really fast recomending antidepressants- they do work really well, and I have tryed them in the past, but I this time around I sayed NO, but thanks for offering. I want to be on control. I want to cry when there is reason for tears, I want to laugh when I am happy . I want to be mad , when something gets on my nerves and most of all I want to feel alive and feel like I am real me. Yeah, at times I feel and act like real wacko but that is normal. Everybody is on drugs these days and It is harder for me to get to know real them. What they really feel, how they really act. It is good to hear that it is helping lot of you out there:) I just want to learn to deal with everything my way. I do shred more tears when I talk about my daughters condition, but that is normal. I have right to feel sad and cry when I feel like I can not hold it in anymore. That is me, those are my emotions, and if you think I am to emotional and hormonal, then you are probably to drugged. ( lol, just kidding). Anyway, I am not sure what I am trying to say. I do not want to put anybody down using meds for depression or anxiety. do so if you feel like it and if you can not deal with what you have to deal with. I just eat my cheescake and call it " My drug".

Good nigh. tomorrow is new day, and I start my diet again and hopefully this time I follow it until thanksgiving ( 24th of november)

!!!

Friday update!!!- Beth is home and doing awsome :)

Reginas Best friends mom is having gall bladder surgery today. I hope it goes well!!!!

Best wishes Beth.

Blah

Nothing interesting to report. Yesterday was halloween and we all went out to Trick or Treating . This year Halloween was grazy. TOOOOO many kids ( we got around 500) . It really truly was grazy. From 6pm till 9pm it was nonstop rollacoaster with barbies, batmans and sceletons. Oh how could I forget all the sweet cute princesses and candy hungry ALMOST college kids. What is wrong with you 15 year olds. You all look like anorexia had hit you, and there you go yelling TRICK OR TREAT behind each door hoping to get some candy so you can let your friends know that you got one OZ more than they did. Stupid.

I'm just so sick of all this sugar sitting on my countertop and drawers and purse. I hate people who invented white chocolate covered Reeses peanut butter cups. I used to hate peanut butter taste, but after one bite of those evil treats I was changed person. i want more!!!!! I also hate people who mixed up recipe for Butterfingers. I really, really do. Oh those things are sooo good. They just make you longing for more. I take one tiny bite and before I know it, bag in front of me is empy, and I feel like crap because I just ate whole bag of sweet buttery , peanuty tasting $H!TT!!! Oh crap. I am moody! I really have to get my lazy ass off this chair and hit the gym. I pay membership every single month and I have not been in gym for at least 3 months. :( I just do not feel like going there. I do my cardio and mini weights at home... Ah whatever. I just love complaning , that is so me....
Take care. And if you really want some good candy , call me!!! I may ship some of it to you if you play nice...
Di

Ouch

This is not good. Not good at all. The other day I was just thinking that my back is in such a great condition. No pains , just perfect. And then today while I was vaccuming I turned my head left, heard a crack and after that I was unable to move my neck, back, lift my right arm. From neck , down to my sholderblades, I am pretty much in horrible pain. It is even hard to breath and swollow food. And all this because I want my house to be clean??? Dang, I swear, today was my last time I ever clean up my house again. I get maid service once a week, but I do not like messes,so I pretty much vacuum and dust every day( yeah, my hobby..). I guess If I do not feel better tomorrow I visit my chiro( sadly my insurance does not cover him). But he is the best, so I have to see him. Oh pain, pain go away...
And because of my back pain I will not be able to work out, and I will certanly gain few halloween lbs.

Take care .

DI

Friday. wohoo.

I am home, I am happy, I am full and I am very relaxed. :) Tonight I got to enjoy someone elses culinary creations. I am not telling who it was , but I am just leting to know you that food was amazing. She sent leftovers with me and I have such a huge temptation to open my refrigirator door and eat it. Do not ask me how dish was called. I just know that it tasted yummmmy- eggplant, bell peppers, tomatoes and tomato sauce , meat balls and spices. It was served with crusty rice and tomato/cucumber salad with mint. After main dish we ate hot apple pie with ice cream. :) Fun night.

Now I am wondering if I should do another 40 minutes of cardio( I allrady did 40 min this morning). Halloween is right behind the corner and I can not afford to gain any weight now. When time comes I let you know why ;)

Dang

My friendly ghost ...
Nothing crappy happened today. I swear. It was perfect day full of fun activities . I wish there was something..... b u t if I think about something to bitch about , I should to so about my lazyness. I so want to clean my master bedroom,but I just don't feel like it. I do not know how to explain thins feeling. I have urge to start doing it, but instead of doing it I am doing it in my head- this will go there, and I have to vacuum from here and I have to move my bed, so I could get hang of all the missing socks and underwear that is hiding under my bed.... is it??/ I have to check first before giving you out such an personal information. Oh wait. I just told you that. Oh. I am so confused now.
You see, My mind is just grazy today. Busy, and very creative and happy. I like myself today . I wish that every day was like it. I wish there was more sun instead of rain.
.. Oh, all this chitchat is making me hungry for some chocolate covered cheese. ;)

This is us now...( 2 months ago).lol

December 28th, 1999 we celebrated our first wedding anniversary. This year we'll celebrate our 7th anniversary. It is unbelivable how much we have changed during these years....

Whateva

I feel like crap right now.
Today started out great. I did feel little dizzy and had m little headache, but I just ignored those signs. I blamed it on weather( wet and gray). I went shopping and bought kids some warm winter clothes- it feels weird to say winter out loud in Ca.
I picked up Regina from school and we went to Wahhoos for lunch. At that point my headache was horrible and I felt horrible pressure and burning on my right lover lobe. After lunch we went home and I was pissed because maid has not showed up yet( it was 1/30 pm). They usually show up around 11am. So made showed up 2 pm and started cleaning house. Regina did her homework and I finally got to see how our housecleaning team cleans our house- they suck big time. THEy do not know how to use central vacuming system correctly. They vaccumed in my lightweight area rug and then tryed to pull it out from vaccum. I WAS MAD!!! I told them if something like that ever happens again they will have to pay for repears( about 350 dollars for new one). I ALSO had to show him( yeah, the bathroom cleaner and vaccum person is guy) HOW to properly plug and unplug my vaccum. WTF??

We had to leave and pick up Gabe from school. After he was on board, we headed to mall to spend hour in bookstore. I did buy something very important from there today- HOW TO LEARN TO SPEAK SPANISH FAST!!!1 lol My cleaning team does not speak very good english so I have to do something to make my point more clear...

Around 4.20 we went to Reginas hula school. She danced about 45 minutes and i chatted with my good friend Beth. She is Reginas best friends mom. I love chatting with her. She has great sence of humor and always makes me laugh :)

After Regina finished dancing we all headed to Cocos to have our dinner. Regina had chicken strips( I had to remove breading from chicken). Gabe had mac and cheese and I had corn chowder - oh, it was good. I love soups:):):) At cocos my headache got worse, and when we finally got home every single part of my body was in horrible pain. My left sholder and left knee hurt the most. My head burns and I got fever. I just hope that these side effects for my smoke free like( one of the sideffects are flu like symptoms).

Oh and to add more oil to fire. My dh called and just pissed me off even more. He had stressful day and acted all pissy and I was all sick and started crying right away. He did not say anything bad, he just sayed something that made me feel very small. There you go. I just love days like this.

I just wish my nausea and headaches will go away. They have been my worst enemies since august this year.

Thanks for listening and stay tuned for more whiny Di.

Carb week...

Oh this week has been horrible carb party. Apple pies, pumpkin pies, pizza, cookies, crackers, chocolate cake- what's missing? F I B E R !!!!! I need more fiber NOW. I feel horrible. My digestive system has failed and I am in great tummy pain.... lol What is wrong with me- Yesterday I had to order Pizza from Dominos because Reginas School was making money yesterday( One pizza bought= 1 dollar to Reginas school). They do this kind of fundrasings once a month. Before I ordered pizza I gave myself promise- I WILL NOT EAT CHEESE PIZZA!!! I WILL SAY NO TO PIZZA!!! I WILL LEAVE THE ROOM WHEN MY KIDS EAT THIS DELICIOUS HIGH CHOLESTOROL BOMB! But I broke my promise- the moment I opened the box, something went terribly wrong- I H A D to eat one slice, and other- and kids leftovers.( just tohse crusts). AND it was the most wonderful dinner I have had for a while. lol Anyway, I really need to get my lazy butt to gym and start working out. I also need to restock my refrigirator with salad, herbs, fruits, low sugar juices and whole grain bread. ANd I have to get some baked and smoked tofu. Frozen fruits for my fruit smoothies and tea for evening drink.

BUT it is so hard to diet now. All the stores smell like pumpkin and apple pies and I LOVE That scent. But it also makes me hungry and gives me holiday gravings before holidays are present. Last year I ganed 10 lbs during oct/nov/dec months. I am sure it'll happen this year also. I can not say NO to Holidays goodies. :)

Finally some real fall weather.

I finally hot a chance to wear my sweater today. Weather was nice and cool and was raining on and off all day long.
My morning started 7 am with shower.
8AM brakfast for kids
8.45- Drop Gabe to school
9.10 -Drop Regina to school
9.35 Cost plus
10.10 Burlington goat factory
11.00 Laguna Beach, Aliso viejo beach park( I think)
12.25 Vons
12.50 Pick up Regina from Shool
1PM Eat lunch with Regina
2 PM Reginas Homework
2.45 Pick up Gabriel from School
4PM Hula school for Regina
4.35-5.15 Chat with Beth
5.35-6.40 Hometown buffet
and ..... Now both of my kids are hungry and demanding more food....

I did go to The Beach today. I just had these sudden urge to hear the sounds of the ocean. I wanted to see waves, I wanted to epreience ocean when water is not blue but gray. It was beautiful. Beach was almost empty. There were couple of people running and I think there some art school students painting ocean and that was it. I just watched waves for a while and dreamed about being little mermaid....
And for dinner we went to Hometown Buffet. It was pretty good. Of course I chose to eat all the foods I like, so I really can not comment all the other foods that probably tasted awful. lol.
For dessert I had Hot chocolate fudge cake- OMG. THAT was awsome. I topped it with some cold Ice cream and OMG OMG OMG. I want to go back and get one more spoonful of that chocolate dream.....

:D

Grys Anatomy rocks. I am so into this show. I used to like Desparate Housewifes, but I changed my mind. I'm all about Greys Anatomy and Isaiah Washington(Preston Burke)- He looks like doctor acts like doctor- and if he was real doctor I would like to be his patient.....

Busy busy busy

Today my finger was feeling much better and I decided to pain our guest bedroom. . It was such a hard work. My hands are way to weak. i have no Idea where all the strenght has dissapeared. Weird. To make room more friendly and inviting, I am planning to buy new curtains, bedding, couple of decorative pillows, couple of contemporary but happy paintings and area rug.

On a happier note- I decidied to quit smoking. last night, as I was smoking outside, I suddenly felt really dizzy and sick and started having bad chest pains. I thought I'm having an heart attack. I ran inside and threw up pretty bad.
I had my last cigartet last night around 4 pm and that is it. I have not had one today and I have no urge to light one. Now I just need to keep myself busy and not think about smoking and cigs. I hope I can do it. I can quit this time for good. :) 

Hei Leila. This pic is just for you. ;) Instead of staring my hand , take a look at these beautiful spring flowers from Estonia. :):):)

I'm in great pain

And it is my cats fault. After kids fell asleep tonight, I went to check at them. of course cat was lying on Reginas tumy. You have no Idea how many times I have sprayed that cat with water. NOTHING, he still goes back. So tonight I wanted to slap his butt. I missed first time, I missed second time , BUT I hit the beds wooden footboard with my right middle finger. Suddenly I was in horrible pain and got really dizzy. I was unaible to stand up and walk , So I just lyed down , there on the floor.
Cause of the pain- My "fake" nail hit the footboard, and since I just had new acrylics done, they were still storngly stuck on my real nails, and now I am missing my middle nail-My finger( finger tip) is swollen to a size of potato and I am still in great pain. I applied some triple antibiotic cream and covered it. Oh, and one more thing- Blood was everywhere.
I really truly thought that I am going to pass out. My heart was beating really fast and I was unable to move my head while lying on the floor, and I got really sick( like I was about to throw up). And all this only because my nail got pulled off. ( Turst me, it looks really, really gross right now, and hurts to)
. WHYYYYYYYYY. I just purchased pretty paint, because I wanted to finish one of my decorating projects. But Now It has to wait. For how long- Not sure.


My cat really knows how to cause accidents like that( This one was no 2 because of him)

Lets Drink some wine...

On Saturday night I packed my suitcase( kids suitcase) AND headed to North Hollywood to wine tasting party. It was fun night with great wines and good friends. Since my dh is not home I took Regina and Gabe with me and we spent the night there. This time 12 chicks showed up( 11 estonians and one finnish girl). And we sampled 7 bottles of different kinds of red wines. We had French wine( ( got last place and price for wine was about 28 dollars), 2 dollar bottle from Trader Joes , home made wine from Finland and others were all Ca wines.

This time wines tasted a lot alike. I thought maybe I will find my new favorite wine,but I really did not. Maybe next time. Around 10.30 some of the people left and those who stayed over night put on their PJs and party continued.Leila got really tired and started looking for comfy place to rest. First she tried fireplace- nah, then she sat on a comfy chair and dozed off.
And the winners are.....Merike, Reet,Maarika, Elsi ja Helena. :)

Next time we will taste White wines.

I MISS MY DH.BAAAAAAAAAH. He is gone- again and he will not return before december 1st. Who will watch CSI, Law and Order, Grays Anatomy, Desparate Housewifes, NipTuc,ALIAS with me? I have nobody to yell at, nobody to cook for( well, yeah, I do have 2 kids, but they have excuisite taste- Sarkus Terriaky chicken and Wahoos wishbowls) lol. Who will take out my trash and mess up my house, Who will drink wine and eat cheese with me? Who will tell me that I look beautiful tonight.....

Big Bear #2

Big Bear

Big Bear Lake---






It's ok to have fun sometimes. It is ok to get drunk and feel silly and It is ok to laugh out loud when security dudes think that tea bags that were in my purse might be drugs. lol On thursday my dh suggested that we should do something fun. And since it is Octoberfest time we decided to go to Big bear to have some much needed adult fun. Kids were with us, but we also took babysitter , so we could go out at night and drink lots of beer and eat some german food.

We rented little cute house and spent the night there. During the day we just drove around and checked out some beautiful places. And then spent some time in convention center. Kids really did not like all that drunk crowd. There were lots of bikers with long beards and scary beer bellies. Regina and Gabe told me that they look scary and refused to let go my hand. lol For a moment I felt like I was back in Memphis. Yep, mullets, tatoos, toothless guys and lots of cigaret smoke and of course beeeeeer.

Around 7pm, after we had our dinner, Nick dropped kids and babysitter to cottage, and I stayed there and waited until he returns. But before he left, he purchased huge can( or whatever you call that 1 gallon, 1quart can filled with beer) of beer, and I was sitting outside and waiting him to return. Trust me, lots of people wanted to be my friends then. lol
After he returned we sat down and started drinking. And when I drink , I get hungry. So I got myself funnel cake with hot fudge, and then ate picles, and bratwursts, and sourkraut. And then drank some more. We danced chicken dance, and laughed how funny people look when they are really, really drunk and have no idea how to walk straigh. lol Around 10pm we left because we managed to finish our beer, and I was feeling really yucky. lol.

On sunday we went to Lake Arrowhead. OH, I hated the drive. i was still feeling nausias from all that alcohol, and those curvy roads did not make me feel any better. yuck. And nick was laughing at me all the time because, I asked him to slow down when there was 25 mile speed limit, and he was driving with 35 miles an hour.

Big Bear lake and Lake Arrowhead are beautiful places . Very peacful and relaxing. Eventhough BB is CA, nature there is very different from nature where I live. Lots of mountains, curvy roads, different climate( yeah, it snows there ). I like big Bear.

Lake Arrowhead....